Dear Me: It’s OK to be scared.

I wrote about the ways that anxiety messes with your brain a few weeks ago on my old site and today, I am experiencing all of the ways. This is going to be short, sweet and very personal since it’s intended to my best friend in the whole world: Me.

So, you’re scared. I know.  You’ve had several days of little sleep and disturbing dreams and waking up on the edge of panic.  There’s a lot of things going on right now. Today you’re making history and even though to everyone else it’s not a big deal, I know that for you, it’s huge. You’re not very good with things that are for life (like, who is?) and you’re freaking out about it, and I’m just here to tell you that it’s just fine, and that you’re going to do it. You’re going to go there and do it. You will be terrified, one step from walking through that door and leaving, but you won’t do it. You’re gonna sit on that chair, grit your teeth and do it, and you’re going to thank yourself later for sticking to it and proudly show your newest achievement to the world to see. You’ll also probably bore the hell out of everyone because of it.

It’s also OK to be confused and worried. Remember that your confusion and worry is not based in real problems. You’re drowning in shallow water and you just need to chill the F out and stand up. You’re not dying. Everything is not going to fall apart. You can’t do everything you want at once. There is nothing actually wrong. Just remember a month ago how great and happy and positive you were about everything. Just remember the warm and fuzzy feelings you felt. Remember the wedding. I know that big days and events stress you out and make you confused about everything but you know that it’ll be OK afterward.

You’re spending way too much time thinking about the future again. The what ifs, the whys and the hows and the do I’s. You’re thinking too much. Note to self: tattoo that to your forehead some day and buy a mirror. You know that’s bringing you nowhere. You know what you have decided and you know that you did the right call. You know that it’s what you want, you just don’t see it now because you’re all freaked out and piss-scared.

I know you. You’re not feeling happy now and so you think you’ve never been happy and you’re scared if you’ll ever be happy. That is not true and you know it. It’s so very easy to just ease into an emotion and forget everything that happened before and have positive expectations of the tomorrow. Your life is not doom and gloom. You’re growing. You’re moving forward. You’re going somewhere. You’re not standing in place anymore. And I know that this is scary as hell, but you gotta do it. Also, remember that when you’re not happy inside, nothing on the outside is going to make you happy too. When you can make yourself happy, then the things around you are going to make you happy too.

So yeah. I know you’re scared. And I know this hasn’t helped a lot. A little bit maybe, yeah. But the problem is, I know that even though you know all of this on a conscious level, you have to truly believe it on the inside for this to work. And it’s not working a lot.

Oh well, fuck it. I tried. Try to just live through the day, you know it’s gonna pass. Sit tight, brace yourself, and let it blow over. It’s gonna be OK. I believe in you.
Sincerely, your friend.

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