Seeing your face in a moment of clarity is like drowning in water and finally reaching the surface, gasping for air. Beautiful, smiling, just the one I’m looking for. But untill then, you are a stranger. Just a face and a body that I’m holding for years now, not even knowing why.

Being down under makes me want to roll up in a ball, blanket over my head, and just stop existing. 

Thoughts. A race for sanity. Nothing is alright and it never will be. 

Heart is racing. Palms are sweary. I’m sick to my stomach. Tingles down my limbs. I’m dying. No, I’m not. Yes I am. 

Darknes, apathy and doubt. God, so much doubt. I’m prepairing myself for a catastrophe that is not even remotely likely to happen. 

I don’t feel anything, yet, at the same time, I feel everything all at once. 

I’m pushing you back. I’m pushing everyone back. Come here. Go away. I love you. I don’t know. This battle is too freaking long.

Going in cirlcles. From bad to good to bad again. Worse and worse each time. I’m just draeaming for that gasp of air again.


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